Thursday, September 19
I miss her . Time has not heeled any wounds, I have just learned to live with it. I have learned to live without her but I remember ...
Today would be her 14th birthday, but for us she is forever 10, forever happy, forever free...
I miss you Regina Melody. You changed my life...
Forever in my heart.
Saturday, March 16
I have been thinking about Regina every day. Some days more other days less, but there has not been a day I haven't thought about her. For me , she always will be Care bear, Barbie and Webkins girl. She would always bake cupcakes and fix me interesting meals made of whatever she found in refrigerator . She would always wear pink outfits that are oddly styled, but she did it herself, and I never questioned her why she would wear such weird outfit. She had her style and it is hard to match. She was unique and I loved it about her. She did not care what people thought about her funky style and it did not bother her if someone mentioned maybe she should wear something else.
I miss her. And I am scared. I am starting to forget how her hugs felt like. I am starting to forget her scent or how her skin used to feel like how she held my hand.
I miss baking with her and I miss her cute smile and uplifting giggle. And I want Gabriel to have his best buddy and playmate back... But it is never going to happen and all we have left are amazing memories of her . She will never be forgotten She will always be loved.
Hug your loved ones tight tonight...
Rest in peace Baby girl.
Your mommy , daddy and brother send you some angel kisses wherever you are....
Wednesday, March 6
Mar 5, 2013, a set on Flickr.
PAFA's ( parents and friends association of HIS), organized fun lunch for us. It was called Desperate housewives of Hangzhou... We all are pretty desperate to get out of China lol, but this lunch gave us all to dress up a little more than usual and win some prizes. I also won ;)
Tuesday, February 26
Tuesday, October 30
Tomorrow is Halloween. Not my favorite holiday if you ask me. Not anymore :( IT USED TO BE.
We had so much fun with Regina and Gabriel doing all sorts of Halloween activities- Pumpkin patch, fairs, dressing up, buying outfits, cupcake baking, Disneyland. Every little cute witch Reminds me of Regina . Gabriel now has "grown up" and does not care much for stuff. ANd we don't have pumpkin patches here, or farms, or halloween parties..
I have been experiencing lot of tears and sadness over past couple of days, and nothing helps me get better. :(
I miss my Halloween partner in crime:)
Sunday, September 23
I opened this blog many times but I did not have right words to write down. Everything was just stuck within me. As much as I wanted to push out my thoughts and feelings, I could not .
I actually felt during those 2 days , that I was "helped" . THe whole week was just very hard for me. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible, watching every crime drama there was, so my thoughts would not wonder to that day.. the day she passed.
I was doing great .. I really was. But the closer to her birthday , the more pain I started experiencing. TO the point I just could not handle anything negative. I just cried... I want to forget the day she passed away. I actually want to forget the time when I first knew that She will not make it till the day she passed away. Because I would never want anyone to see me like that. I would not want anyone to experience the pain I ( we ) all went through. And seeing your love one dying and not being able to do anything at all to save her... Just comfort. And not knowing if I am doing it right. I think , that sometimes I feel her pain, because I think she want's me to feel it. And I know one day I will be there and experiencing whatever she went through...
I miss her every day. I miss her hugs, her smile, giggles, toys, moodiness, silliness, her thrive to survive.
And I can't stand that I was not able to make one of her biggest wishes come through... Her wish to live...
RIP Princess Regina.. xoxoxo.. One day....
Thursday, May 24
Nick once mentioned about some sort of quote that he got on his cell about...".The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch swing with, never say a word , and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had."
I agree. THis quote came after I told him I WANT him to be my best friend. I WANT him to be my best everything. BUT it can't happen before he decides he wants to be that honest BEST person to whom I sit next to and understand right away. It will happen one day, but till then we have still lot of work to do.. Maybe it never happens, but all I can say is.. I TRIED... :)
Those of you don't know. We are going to Estonia this year to renew our vows. We never had any sort of party for US in Estonia. It has been always for kids... or me alone. But this time around we needed party and since we get along ( most of the time) we decided it is time to do it. We got married on december 28th, 1998 in Las Vegas, so this year we would be celebrating our 14th year wedding anniversary....we had hell of a 14 years... Regina would have turn 13 on sept 19th, Gabriel will turn 11 on june 22.
I remember while ago I told someone that if someone treats me the way i have been treated I would leave right away... But it is not that simple. Actually , Easy thing is to leave.. Just turn back and you are out. Who knows what future brings. We are all grown ups, Gabriel knows what is going on.
I guess we are just living life the way we supposed to. Nobody know the ending or our happily ever after :)